6 Songs I Never Need to Hear Again

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There are a variety of songs I’d love to put a pillow over and softly, gently, smother them to death *forever*. As a music lover and impossibly tolerant human being, I often am at best indifferent to a variety of music that doesn’t pique my interest. However, there are songs which annoy me so much, that are so over-played, that are over-idealized that I just had to make a list. Don’t get me wrong, folks; I’ve done it all. I’ve sang at the top of my lungs at ball games and spent late nights in bars at the ripe hour of 2 am when everyone is good and buzzed and someone puts ‘Sweet Caroline’ on the jukebox… but those moments are just that – moments I’d rather remember fondly than relive again, and again, and again… and again. So, for a variety of reasons and without further adieu: 6 songs that can whiter and die.

  1. The B52’s “Love Shack”

The beginning of this song gives me a warm feeling of freshly cropped hate that crawls up the back of my ears. The worst is being a girl, with other girls, who hear this song in a public setting. Everyone wants to grab hands, and dance around and be silly (as the music video implies a party). Oh, and conversations about the song generally go like this:

B52’s Lover: “Do you know what she says when the music stops?”

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Me: *sigh* yes but…

B52’s Lover: “It’s ‘TIIIIN ROOF RUSTED”

ME: I know

B52’s Lover: “What do you think it means?”

It’s not trivia if everyone knows it. It’s like knowing that Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin – everyone knows that but doesn’t know where they heard it from. Same dealio here, folks. Goodnight, Love Shack. May this song die like your career, B52’s.

2. Literally anything by Matchbox 20

Every Matchbox 20 song I hear becomes the new worst song I’ve ever heard. They’re terrible. I can’t explain how ‘bland’ and ‘uninteresting’ or ‘unmemorable’ became so bad, but a listen to any hit of theirs makes me sad that they’re popular.

3. Rob Thomas ft. Santana “Smooth”

At one point, this song was the most played song on the radio *ever*. Combine Matchbox 20’s bland-like-slightly-smelly-garbage front man Rob Thomas with uninspired playing from Carlos Santana and you have a hit that apparently people like. If I had to have a number one spot on this list, I think this song would be in it.

4. Journey “Don’t Stop Believin'”

For some reason, the instant this song comes on, people grab the nearest microphone-like instrument to prepare themselves for a singalong of the iconic lyrics. And that, my friends, is exactly the problem. This song has been popular for decades – there can’t be a break in time every single time this song comes on to pretend we’re all Steve Perry, then laugh like a TV sitcom when no one can hit the high notes. Stop putting this song in things that are supposed to be special and poignant – it’s no longer special or poignant. When I asked friend and fellow Rocknuts writer Jordan Posner what songs he’d put on the top ten list of songs he never needed to hear again, his answer was simple, “Don’t Stop Believin’ 10 times”.

5. The Cardigans “Lovefool”

I feel a little bad about this selection. Objectively speaking, it’s not a bad song. However, I haven’t liked it since day one – day one for me being it’s appearance on the Baz Luhrmanns’ Romeo and Juliet soundtrack back in the later 90’s. I thought in time I would grow to appreciate it, but I don’t. I think it’s meandering and annoying.

6. James Blunt “You’re Beautiful”

If this pandering, schmultzy piece of junk song were a cake, it would be iced with untalented vocal buttercream and ‘im-14-and-this-is-deep’ rosettes. Just, gross. This song has been and always will be gross, from the very first plucks to it’s underwhelming ending. Also, can we take a moment to break down this music video? He’s wet under the clothes he’s slowly stripping off, then he jumps into an ocean. G’bye James, let’s hope that you’re drowning your guitar and future lyrics. I don’t want him to die guys, geeze. Just his music career. C’mon now!

There ya go, 6 songs that need the ‘Ol Yeller’ treatment. I feel bad using that analogy, because at least Ol Yeller had a long life and made everyone happy. I’m sure this is my first installment of many in this series. What songs do you feel can be wiped off the face of the planet? Remember everyone, this is just opinion and fun. If you love James Blunt, go’head with your bad self. I’ll send you a blankie and sucker to help you sleep at night 😉
Photo: By Alterna2 http://www.alterna2.com [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

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4 comments on “6 Songs I Never Need to Hear Again
    • You really need to hear Sir Paul McCartney perform “Hey Jude” in concert…To hear 1,000-10,000 voices singing along to the “Na na na na na na…” coda is an amazing experience…

      My most-hated song is “Hooked On A Feeling” by one-hit wonders Blue Swede…It’s like a choir of dentist drills on a blackboard…I get shudders just thinking of it…The B.J. Thomas original was so great, with those late-60’s pseudo-sitars…Elvis’s version wasn’t bad either…But all copies of this record should be loaded into clay pigeon-shooting traps & used for target practice!!! PULL!!!!

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