Song of the Day: “Sweet Leaf” – Black Sabbath

I’m told a lot of folks are getting into this “marijuana” stuff. I’ve never tried it myself, as drugs are illegal and therefore immoral. However, I like to know what the kiddies are up to, so I indulged in this bit of pro-marijuana propaganda from a bunch of English long-heads that call themselves “Black Sabbath.” Lovely. You’ve taken the day of rest that the Lord so thoughtfully provided for us and made it nightmarish and mysterious. I can’t imagine the appeal of such a thing.

Oh well. “To each their own, provided they accept the Lord into their hearts,” says my friend Marge, and I am inclined to agree. After all, this guitar player Tony Iommi (who celebrates his 68th birthday this February 19th),this vocalist John Osbourne and the other chaps may just be misguided. Though Marge warned me not to be swayed by the tight-crotched rockers in Black Sabbath, I just couldn’t contain my curiosity.

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Imagine my surprise when, upon listening to the filthy, filthy lyrics, I realized that this wasn’t only a song about drugs. The narrator was actually singing the song to drugs. Can you imagine, dear reader? Addressing a plant? You don’t see me singing to my prize-winning musk melons, though I certainly could! Look at these lyrics!

My life was empty, forever on a down
Until you took me, showed me around
My life is free now, my life is clear
I love you sweet leaf, though you can’t hear, oh yeah

How sad that his most significant relationship is with a leaf! Someone has forgotten the lessons of the Bible!  I forget which passage. It’s one of the really long ones.

I fear that the Great Satan has entered my body. I can see my toe tapping, tapping to the sludgy metal. John Osbourne now has a new name. He is Ozzy. This Ozzy Osbourne, when he sings the praises of the leaf, I feel a weird feeling. I feel like I want to rhythmically and slowly bob my head. Maybe I ought to try this titular leaf! I know my teenage son Trevin keeps some under his bed…

It’s five hours later and I’ve listened to all relevant Sabbath albums. I don’t know where I am, but it’s a dark road. I’ll never go back. Straight people don’t know what you’re about, but I do. I get it. I have the third eye in the middle of my forehead. I love you, Black Sabbath. I love you, Sweet Leaf!

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