20 of the most outrageous rock lyrics of all time



zappalyricsWe’re still talking about lyrics here at Rocknuts, and there can’t be a discussion about lyrics without discussing lyrics that are way over the top, right?

We think so, which is why we have this collection of whacked-out, bizarro, obscene, borderline offensive lyrics for you today.

There are lyrics out there that are more offensive than the ones we have below, and there are lyrics that are more obscene. This isn’t really a collection meant to focus on either of those, however. We tried to come up with a collection of stuff that may have a mix of both, may shake your head, may even make you laugh, and in the end will make wonder what was going through the head of the person or persons who wrote them.

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WARNING: We can’t post these without a disclaimer, however. These lyrics are occasionally XXX-Rated and possibly offensive. You certainly shouldn’t be listening to any of them at work or in the company of sensitive ears.

Without further ado, here are 20 of the most outrageous lyrics you’ll find.

AC/DC – Big Balls

Of course. I giggled when I first heard this song as a kid, and here I am years later as (allegedly) an adult, and I’m still giggling at it. It might be because of the delivery; it’s funny to me how proud Bon Scott sounds of his big balls. But really it’s probably because I never really grew up and still think lines like Some balls are held for charity/And some for fancy dress/But when they’re held for pleasure/They’re the balls that I like best are funny.

Angry Samoans – “They Saved Hitler’s Cock”

This one kind of needs to be heard to be believed. I haven’t listened to everything by the Angry Samoans, but this one is the funniest I’ve heard from them although it’s actually not nearly as obscene as some of the other songs I’ve heard. Possibly one of the most hilarious and outrageous songs out there.

They saved Hitler’s cock, They hid it under a rock.
I discovered it, last night. I couldn’t even, believe my eyes.
If Hitler’s cock could start to talk, it would say: To kill today.
If Hitler’s cock could choose it’s mate, it would ask, for Sharon Tate
They saved Hitler’s cock. They stuffed it in Mengele’s sock.
They saved Hitler’s cock, and now it wants to talk.
Now it’s starting to get hard, I found it in my backyard.
Every night it kills a dog, and now it wants, some night and fog
Hitler’s cock is on the loose, and now I’m scared of what it wants to do!

Camper Van Beethoven – “Take the Skinheads Bowling”

This is probably Camper Van Beethoven’s most well-known song as the goofball factor certainly caught on here. Frontman David Lowery has said the song is nonsensical, which this lyric pretty much proves:

Some people say that bowling alleys got big lanes
Some people say that bowling alleys all look the same
There’s not a line that goes here that rhymes with anything

Chuck Berry – My Ding-A-Ling

This kind of has to be on the list, right? I think this was my earliest introduction to double entendres, probably age six or so. I remember not knowing for sure if he was talking about his junk or not, but I did like the song and my brothers and I soon sang along. Originally by Dave Bartholomew, Chuck Berry covered the song and it became his only No. 1 hit.

This here song it ain’t so sad
the cutest little song you ever had
those of you who will not sing
You must be playin’ with your own ding a ling

Cracker – “Ain’t Gonna Suck Itself”

We just mentioned David Lowery two songs back. Here he brings out his sense of humor with Cracker. The title may make you think you’re about to hear a song about sex, but as Lowery explains at his website, it’s a song about being angry with Virgin Records.

Dead Kennedys – Too Drunk to Fuck

A whacked-out punk classic that is also one of the Dead Kennedys’ best songs. I imagine this song is great at parties, maybe I’ll get invited to one someday and bring it along. It’s pretty crazy from start to finish, but this is the line that gets me every time:

You give me head
It makes it worse
Take out your fuckin’ retainer
Put it in your purse

Ugh. And LOL.

Dead Milkmen – Takin’ Retards to the Zoo

Wildly politically incorrect by today’s standards, this song was a cult hit back in the day. It’s a hard song to defend, but I’m sure that’s the whole point.

It’s a boring day – I’ve got nothing to do
Except to get a load of retards and drive em to the zoo

Electric Six – Gay Bar

I think I first heard this song years back when it was part of a viral video pointing fun at the homoeroticism of The Lord of the Rings films. Back then I assumed the song had a deeper, metaphoric meaning, but now I’m not sure if it does. Supposedly the idea for the song came after mishearing the lyrics to a DEVO song.

Frank Zappa – “Dinah Moe Humm”

Had to have something from Frank on here, and obviously there were several different directions to choose from. I picked this famous sex romp over “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow” and “Broken Hearts are for Assholes” by a narrow margin. It’s lyrics like

So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs in the air
And asked if she had any cooties on there

or

Do you think I could interest you
In a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers? mmm…tweezers!
Wait a minute, lemme sterilize ’em…
Gimme your lighter…

that put it over the top.

Joe Walsh – “I.L.B.T.’s”

Years before Sir Mix-A-Lot proclaimed he loved big butts, Joe Walsh announced to the world how much he loves big tits. This song is the very definition of “unabashed” as Walsh sings with glee about his love for oversized bosoms.

I like tits for dinner or a noontime snack
I like tits for lunch, a big tit attack
I like tits for breakfast
Eggs Benedict tits

Not much else to say after that.

King Missile – “Detachable Penis” and “Martin Scorsese”

Here’s two bonkers songs by King Missile, the first of which was somewhat of a hit and is a classic among silly songs. Rather than print the lyrics here, it’s better to listen to the bizarre tale of a man and his missing penis unfold:

Then there’s “Martin Scorsese,” which… yeah I dunno. I suppose it’s an ode to one of film’s greatest directors, or not, I’m not sure… either way, you won’t be quite sure what happened after you’re done listening to it.

Liz Phair – “H.W.C.”

This one is pretty much eww. H.W.C. stands for “Hot White Cum,” in which Liz sings about the supposed benefits of taking it to the face and hair. She told The AV Club in 2003 that she put the song on her self-titled album to get a reaction from record executives and to make an effort to maintain her artistic freedom. IIf I can’t be wild, if I can’t put a song like that on my record, then I’m kind of blowing my own aims for what art is supposed to be, which is a place to be free,” Phair said.

Lucille Bogan – “Shave ‘Em Dry”

Lest you thought over-the-top lyrics was a more modern thing, let’s go back to 1935 to witness the foul mouth of Lucille Bogan. This is filthy even by today’s standards, and not surprisingly it’s made the rounds on the Internet a few times. Wikipedia suggests the song was done in jest… hard to imagine it wasn’t with lyrics like these…

Now your nuts hang down
Like a damn bell sapper,
And your dick stands up like a steeple.
Your goddam ass-hole
Stands open like a church door,
And the crabs walks in like people.

Mojo Nixon – “Tie My Pecker to My Leg”

With Mojo Nixon you’re going to get some crazy stuff, but none more than this song. It’s beyond over the top — Dad’s going steady with a pig in a barn/Grandma’s getting down with an ear of corn is one of the cleaner lyrics in the song. If you choose to listen or seek out the lyrics yourself, be warned this one is no holds barred.

Mr. Bungle – The Girls of Porn

Speaking of no holds barred, you can carry that warning label over to this song. Not much is held back here as the filth flies in this ode to masturbating to porn. Musically, it’s actually a pretty cool song. But if you press play, don’t say we didn’t warn you.

NOFX – “Fun Things to Fuck”

One of many wacky songs by NOFX, this one is pretty much what the title says — or at least we’ll take its word for it in terms of the fun factor of some of these things. It’s a raunchy 60 seconds of said recommendations that turns things around on the listener in the end.

Psychostick – “Jagermeister Love Song”

This song opens with the line “I know I promised I’d write you a love song/But instead I just wrote you a drunk song” and that’s pretty much all you need to know about what you’ll find here. A funny burst of metal that is for all those out there who choose drunkenness over love.

Pulp – Can I Have My Balls Back, Please?

This Pulp deep cut is a clever song about a man looking for his dignity back.

At the bottom of the stairway I turned round as I was ready to leave
And said: ‘Oh can I have my balls back, please?’
Well they might not mean that much to you
But they sure as hell mean so much to me
So can I have my balls back, please?

From there our hero travels across the ocean to find his balls, albeit unsuccessfully. You might actually find yourself singing along to this one after a few listens.

Ween – “Piss Up A Rope”

Resident Ween fan Jordan Posner can tell you all about these guys. They’ve got a few crazy songs, so this may or may not be the most outrageous of the bunch. But regardless, it’s at least up there.

Uh, you can piss up a rope and feel the pissy dribble
You can piss up a rope and watch me giggle
For the last 6 months I been packin’ your bag
You can wash my balls with a warm, wet rag
Till my balls feel smooth and soft like silk
I’m sick of your mouth and your 2 percent milk
And I’m no dope, but I’ve lost all hope
So hit the fuckin’ road and piss up a rope

The lyrics sound almost like filthy rap sex romp, but Dean Ween said he wrote the song for his wife. How… romantic?

Rap bonus – Pharcyde – “Ya Mama”

Speaking of rap, putting this here breaks Sir Rocknuts’ rules of the site, but I kind of felt like there had to be some rap music somewhere in here. There are obviously oh so many examples of over the top rap lyrics, but this one is a bit more good natured than many obscene rap songs.

Ya mom is so fat (how fat is she?)
We rode up on her back to get some burgers from Wendy’s
and her skates went flat; I got stuck in her butt crack
They thought I was lost but I was caught by the G-strap
Heaven forbid a giant fart would give way
Cause that would blow me round the world in a day
We drove into the drive-in and she didn’t have to pay
because we dressed her up to look just like a Chevrolet

Bizarro Christmas song bonus: Tiny Tim – “Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS”

We close things out with one of the more offensive Christmas songs out there. Tiny Tim supposedly once claimed this song was about a candy bar called Ayds that was used in the 70s as an appetite suppressant. Hmm that doesn’t seem likely.

Photo credit: By Jean-Luc (originally posted to Flickr as FRANK ZAPPA) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

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One comment on “20 of the most outrageous rock lyrics of all time
  1. The first song ever to use the word f*** was Johnny Winter Song on his third album The three-sided album the song was called I love everybody where he says don’t f*** with me now

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