10 Stones Covers That Really Suck

rollingstonesbanner2To paraphrase Leo Tolstoy, there’s something similar about all great music, but crappy songs each suck in their own individual way. Last week we looked at some great Stones covers, so as a public service we offer the flip side of the coin. You should avoid operating heavy machinery while listening to any of these tracks.

10. Little Richard – Brown Sugar (1971)

Richard was still in fine vocal form, but when he sings about ”whuppin” the women just around midnight, you quickly realize this cover was a real bad idea. Tossed off just like the guy in the washroom of the Trailways bus station, and featuring some of the worst production ever laid down on record.

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9. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts – Star Star (1983)

I suppose this was considered pushing the envelope in 1983, but unfortunately I don’t think she was aiming for irony. And such a shame about those pitchy vocals. You feel like you need a shower after listening to this one.


8. The 5th Dimension – Moonlight Mile (1975)

A poignant reflection on longing and solitude, in the hands of these faux-soulsters, ends up sounding like a bad local TV ad for a high-end leather furniture outlet. The Moonlight Mile, open till 10 on weekends, ample free parking.


7. Katey Sagal – Ruby Tuesday (2009) 

Recorded for the Sons of Anarchy soundtrack. Playing Al Bundy’s wife looks like a significant cultural benchmark in comparison.


6. Joe Pass – 19th Nervous Breakdown (1967)

Surely the most banal nervous breakdown in the history of mankind. Make yourself at home, Doll, while I put a little something on the hi-fi.


5. Ryan Adams and Beth Orton – Brown Sugar (2001)

These are two really fine contemporary singer-songwriters, and I give them full marks for going out on a limb and trying something very different, but I must confess I am completely and utterly baffled by it.


4. Pussy Galore – Happy (1986)

The thrash punk/noise rockers covered the entire Exile On Main Street album, satisfying a very tiny subset of fans in 1986. Lead guitarist Jon Spencer would eventually figure out what end of the guitar to use.


3. Pat Boone – As Tears Go By (1966)

The generations collided, resulting in this sad little sonic turd.


2. Britney Spears – (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction (2000)

Maybe she just hasn’t met the right boy yet.


1. Blood, Sweat & Tears – Sympathy For The Devil (1970)

What were they thinking? They would have been much better off leaving this as an instrumental. David Clayton Thomas’ devil-goes-to-Vegas treatment is so bad that the average human doesn’t have enough facial musculature to adequately cringe at it.


“Rolling Stones 14” by Gorupdebesanez – Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Commons – https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Rolling_Stones_14.jpg#/media/File:Rolling_Stones_14.jpg

One comment to “10 Stones Covers That Really Suck”
  1. Pingback: 10 Weird And Wonderful Steely Dan Covers | Rocknuts

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